This line was ad-libbed by Marilyn… telling, isn’t it.
“If the answer is false, explain why”
Did I ever tell u guys about this business card my mom had because let me tell you
It may seem like I’m a sarcastic asshole 24/7, but I’m actually only a sarcastic asshole 18/7 because at night I actually have feelings.
I don’t like the way this makes it seem like women become hysterical and make bad decisions whenever they get their periods, all that really happens is some cramping, possible IBS-esque symptoms, and flucuations in energy and hunger. I know it’s a joke but so are “Oh! are you saying this cuz you’re on your period?” jokes.
whenever im sad i just think about how the welsh word for microwave is popty ping
that.. that helps.
I’m at the grocery store with my grandparents and my grandpa has wandered away and now my grandma is going up every isle yelling his name and im hiding behind a cookie display cuz i dont want anyone to know im with the crazy woman screaming dick at the top of her lungs
i just saw an ad that was probably supposed to say accident lawyers but it said accidental lawyers and i can’t sotp laughing “just got my law degree aw man this wasn’t what i meant to do how am i gonna get out of this one”
Dean looks so betrayed like Why are you telling my weaknesses to the enemy now they’re going to bribe me with pie to have their evil way
If you’re going to be passive aggressive, might as well go all the way.
HAHAHA HOLY SHIT WE WERE LOOKING AT PICTURES OF SURGERIES IN CLASS AND ALL THE GUYS WERE HOOTING AT THE SLICED BREAST ONES AND THEN THE TEACHER SWITCHED TO A PENIS PIC WHERE IT WAS CUT OPEN AND SOME 300LB JOCK DOUCHEBAG FAINTED RIGHT OUT OF HIS CHAIR BOYS ARE WEAK BOYS ARE FUCKING WEAK
you mean to tell me
that there was a god damn CUT OPEN BOOB
AND BOYS WERE STILL SEXUALISING IT
FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCK DOES NO ONE SEE HOW FUCKED UP THIS IS
i think everyone thinks about becoming a prostitute at one point in their life
6th grade was a hard time for me
"you make my heart beat in iambic pentameter."
no you don’t understand shakespeare literally writes to the beat of your heart
- that’s why shakespearean actors will sometimes pound their chests in time to the words during readings
- that’s why you use fluctuations…